Fights, Flowers And Feelings

Disclaimer: This is my first attempt at Fanfic.? I don’t own the characters (other than those I’ve invented!), I’ve merely borrowed them and some lines of dialogue and scenes from my favorite program, have influenced my story, but I’ve used them in a different way.? No breach of copyright is intended.? I’d really appreciate constructive feedback!

?*** Indicates a change of scene/time.

FIGHTS, FLOWERS AND FEELINGS

Detective Steve Sloan arrived at Community General to collect his daughter Katie, from the hospital’s day care center.? Life hadn’t been a bed of roses for him since his wife had died, but with the help of family and friends, he’d coped.? Today though he had something different to worry about - he needed to ask his father to do something he didn’t want him to do.

“How’s it going dad?” he asked seeing Mark stood by the nurses’ station.

“Fine, thanks.? I’m glad you’re here early Steve, I need to speak to you about something, come into my office.”

“That’s convenient, I need to speak to you about something too.”

They walked into Mark’s office, both knowing they’d something to say which wouldn’t make the other happy.? Mark was first to speak.

“Steve, you’re not going to like this.”

“You’re right, I hate it already.? Come on, out with it.”

“Ok, hear me out.? Amanda’s done some autopsies on residents of Cedar View Home, it’s a home for the elderly, they all had early signs of Alzheimer’s and died suddenly,” Mark explained.

“Oh no you don’t, you’re not going under cover in there, and what about Katie?? You know it’s difficult for me working and looking after her by myself,” Steve cautioned uncomfortably, knowing he was trying emotional blackmail.

“I’d never let you or Katie down Steve, and I’m disappointed you’d even think that.? Everything’s taken care of.? The Flimlins are visiting relatives back east and they’ve already asked if they could take Katie.? That way we know Katie’s cared for, and she has a vacation.”

“Dad, I’m sorry, that was a cheap shot.? I couldn’t have made it without your help since Lena died.? I’m sure Katie’ll have a great time with the Flimlins, geez, they treat her like a granddaughter anyway, and I really appreciate their help too.? But I don’t want you putting yourself at risk.”

“I know you don’t, but I won’t be. ?Look, if I had my way you wouldn’t be a homicide detective, you know how I feel.”

“Ok, point taken, you win,” Steve conceded, “so, what’s the plan?”

“It’s all sorted.? Hey, you said you wanted to talk to me, what did you want to talk about?”

“We’ve already discussed it.? Captain Woodruff asked me to see how you felt about going under cover there.? LAPD has suspicions over these deaths too, apparently the victims had recently changed their wills in favor of Dr Wilson, a physician there,” Steve grinned.

***

The sing-song voice of the administrator Mrs. Jones welcomed Steve and Mark to Cedar View, the focus of the introductions being Steve, who’d caught the eye of Mrs. Jones.? Steve knew she was flirting with him, and for the benefit of the investigation he played along.? He explained he was Mark’s nephew and only surviving relative and since his uncle had began exhibiting symptoms of Alzheimer’s it had become too difficult to care for him and work as a landscape gardener for wealthier LA residents.? Steve’s promise to say hi whenever he visited had her in a fit of giggles a love-struck teenager would have been proud of.? ‘Geez, the things I do for LAPD’ Steve mused.

***

Mark and Steve looked round the room; it was large, which wasn’t unexpected, given the cost of it.? The walls were painted lemon with dark blue bed-linen and matching drapes.

“It’s spacious, good job LAPD’s paying for it, it’d be expensive long-haul.? Not that I’d ever put you in a home, dad, your place is by my side.”

“I know Steve, but there might come a time I’m a burden, just do what you think’s right at the time, ok?”

It wasn’t often they discussed serious issues, Mark wanted to, but Steve would always skirt round them, reluctant to face reality.? This opportunity was interrupted by someone knocking the door.? Mark sat down on the bed before Steve opened the door.? For the duration of his stay Mark intended to imitate minor signs of Alzheimer’s, that way, if he was caught anywhere he shouldn’t have been, he’d have a plausible alibi.

“Good afternoon, Senor Stone, I’m Estelle Garcia, your care assistant,” a heavily accented Mexican voice told them.

“What did you say you are?? I’m Matt,” Mark told her, beginning to enjoy his role.

“If you’ll excuse us, Miss Garcia, my uncle and I have personal business to discuss,” Steve said dismissively.

“Ok, comprendez, I come back,” Estelle said, taking the hint.

“That was a little blunt Steve, she’s only doing her job,” Mark remarked after Estelle had left.

“Yeah, sorry.? But that accent, sounded too Mexican to me.? Just watch everyone.? I’m going now; I’ll be back Saturday, if you have any problems, whatever time, call my cell phone ok?? I’d visit before then, but it doesn’t fit the reluctant relative act.? Take care dad, I know I don’t say it often enough, but I love you,” Steve said, embracing his father.

“I love you and Katie too, son.? She’s having a great time, Harriet rang earlier.? See you Saturday.”

***

Steve felt strange sleeping in the house alone, he missed his family.? To take his mind off feeling sorry for himself, he worked as many hours as possible.?

“Still here Sloan?” Capt Woodruff inquired late one night seeing Steve sat at his desk.

“Looks that way,” Steve responded.

Captain Woodruff rated Steve as a cop, but he knew Steve was lonely, he was due some time out for himself.? As Captain Woodruff walked away, he tossed the latest issue of the National Scoop on the desk.

“I know I’m missing my family, but I’m not that bored,” Steve told him, puzzled as to the significance.

“You’re wrapped up in the investigation, read it and weep Sloan, page 12.? It has an unaccredited eye-witness account of events in a retirement home.? It might be coincidence, but it’s worth looking into.? Just don’t make a habit of letting me do your work for you,” Captain Woodruff said good-naturedly.

Steve read the article, it hinted at wrong-doings in an unnamed home, which wasn’t much to go on, but better than nothing.? There wouldn’t be anyone at the Scoop’s offices at this time of night besides security, but on a hunch he drove there, it was only 15 minutes from the precinct, and even if it only satisfied himself, it felt like he was doing helping the investigation.

He parked up and waited to see what, if anything happened. ?He’d been there nearly 30 minutes and was about to go home when security let someone out of the staff entrance.? Steve let out a quiet cheer; his hunches were right.? He watched Miss Garcia or whoever she was, get into her car and drive off.? He followed at a discreet distance, radioing in her license plate to try and find out who she really was.? She eventually pulled up outside an apartment complex in a rundown area of LA.

He made a note of the address, uncertain of his next move at this stage.? She opened her purse to search for her house keys, Steve sighed, the number of people who weren’t ready to enter their homes straightaway – didn’t she know about LA crime rates?? Concentrating on her, he didn’t immediately notice someone approach her.? When he did, his instincts yelled it was an attack and he jumped out of his car.? He was right; the man grabbed her from behind, dragging her to the ground.?

“Police, freeze!” Steve yelled, as he ran toward them.

The attacker kicked Miss Garcia, then vanished back into the shadows as fast as he’d emerged.? Steve had a quick look but couldn’t make out where he’d gone.? Right now a victim needed help, he ran over to her.? She was crying hysterically and shaking violently; he tried to help her but she lashed out at the only available target – him.

“Get away, get off me,” she screamed.

“It’s ok, I’m a police officer, you’re in shock, let me help you inside.”

She eventually let Steve take her inside and sat sobbing as he radioed in the attack.

“What’s going on here?? Who are you?” she asked between sobs.

“I’m Lieutenant Steve Sloan, LAPD, I’m on duty, here’s my ID.? Do you want to go to hospital Miss Sharp?”

“No, there’s no need.”

Between sobs Ellen explained she was a reporter working under cover at Cedar View, she was too upset to maintain her cover story besides, there was no point now.? Steve was surprised a tabloid reporter was attempting a serious expose, it was highbrow for the Scoop, but now didn’t seem the appropriate time to voice his opinions on tabloid journalism.

“Well, I found you from your article, and the criminal fraternity probably has too.”

“We don’t know for certain it was linked to the article, it was deliberately vague, there’s no way it could be traced to me.? It was probably some random attacker, ohmygod” Ellen whispered, the realization of what might have been causing more tears to cascade.

Steve’s instincts took over and he gently placed an arm round her, careful not to frighten her further.

“Come on, I’ll drive you to the precinct to report the attack.? We might even be able to get some of his DNA from your clothes if he was one of our less intelligent criminals.”

After they’d filed the report Steve drove Ellen home.? They walked to her front door when Steve came to a decision.

“Look, I’m guessing you’re scared right now, you’re worried the attacker’s still around.? If you want you can stay at my place tonight, I’m assuming you live alone?”

“I’d like that, I am on my own, it’s kind of scary, what happened tonight.? I thought I was fearless, but now I’m not so certain,” Ellen admitted.

“It’s ok to be scared, it’s natural.? Pack an overnight bag and we’ll go to my place.”

***

“What were you doing outside my home?” Ellen asked, breaking the companionable silence on their drive to the beach house.

“I’d traced you, I was probably going to leave once you’d gone in.”

No more words were exchanged.? Steve could barely believe he’d offered a virtual stranger accommodation for the night.? Ellen was wondering what she’d gotten into.? Professionally, she knew she was onto something if the police were involved, and personally, well, that scared the hell out of her, she could have been killed tonight, and here she was driving to the house of someone she hardly knew.

After an hour’s drive they reached the beach house.

‘Wow, some pad’ Ellen thought as she entered the house and saw her accommodation for the night.? She was busy taking in her beauty of the house and had a vague sensation of it being strange for a police lieutenant to live in such a beautiful house.? Trying to arrange her thoughts, she didn’t notice where she was walking.

“Ouch!? What the hell was that?” she cursed as she tripped, landing heavily on her left hand.

“It’s my daughter’s toy stroller, I should’ve put it away.? Here, let me help you,” Steve said, guiding her gently to the couch.? He looked at her wrist, holding it lightly and gave his diagnosis.

“It’s just a sprain, keep it rested for a day or two and it’ll be fine.? I’ll put a bandage on for some support.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Ellen said shakily as Steve wrapped a bandage round her wrist, “you’re a cop, you watch the homes of women you don’t know, bring them to your house, injure them with kid’s toys then make medical diagnoses.? Gee, it’s my lucky night, I get attacked then rescued and treated by super cop!”

“The force teaches basic first aid.? Satisfied?”

“Not entirely, but it’ll do for now.? Won’t your wife mind you bringing me here?” Ellen probed, suddenly keen to find out more about his domestic circumstances.

“I was married, now I’m not.? Look, I’m investigating suspicious deaths, let’s make a start.? What exactly do you know about Cedar View?” Steve asked, anxious to sidestep personal questions.

“I think there’s a physician there on the payroll of a drug company, and he’s testing new drugs on patients without close family.? The drugs supposedly delay the onset of full-blown Alzheimer’s.”

“That’s heavy for a tabloid reporter.”

“Yeah, well, always trying to better myself.? Hey, you could give me some hot tips,” Ellen said, finally smiling.

“Not in this lifetime.? The Scoop’s not exactly a beacon of journalistic integrity.”

“I was kidding.? Thanks for the vote of confidence, gee, if it wasn’t so late, we could play verbal volleyball.? Look, it’s been a long day, someone’s tried to attack me, I’m tired, and doubt I’ll give you anything useful tonight.? Can you show me where I’m sleeping?”

Steve showed her the guest room, complete with its own bathroom.? Ellen’s thoughts again danced around Steve’s job and him living in such a beautiful house.? She was brought out of her reverie when she thought she heard a noise.

“If you think I’m sleeping in this room alone you’re mistaken,” she told Steve nervously.

“Ok, we’ll swap rooms,” he offered.

“No, it’s the alone part that’s bothering me.”

It dawned on Steve what she was saying.? “Ok, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“There’s no need for that, put a divider down the middle and just keep your hands to yourself.”

“Like I’d be tempted,” Steve joked trying to lighten the situation, but confirming his agreement by placing a divider in the middle of his bed.

After making sure the house was secure, Steve went into his bedroom, Ellen was already in bed.?

“You ok?” Steve asked as he got in bed.

“Yeah, thanks for this.? Hope you manage to sleep.? I bet we’re both wearing more than we normally do in bed.”

“Whatever.? Can I ask you a question?”

“Well I guess so, since we’re sleeping together,” Ellen teased.

“Do you always jump into bed with guys you’ve just met?”? Steve could hardly believe the sound of his own voice, he’d intended to ask her about the investigation, he had no idea where that question had come from.

“I could be insulted by that remark, but I’ll put it down to natural clumsiness on your part,” Ellen told him sarcastically.

“Yeah, sorry, guilty as charged.? Night, hope you sleep ok.”

Ellen soon fell asleep.? Unusually, it took Steve some time to fall asleep; he’d a lot to think about.? He was missing Katie; he’d left the stroller out deliberately as a reminder.? On his days off he enjoyed being a dad.? He smiled at what his co-workers would think if they could see him at home, but then some of them were parents too, so he figured they probably acted goofy at home with their families.? He missed Mark too, he liked to protect his family and right now he wasn’t there for his dad.? He knew it was the macho gene in him, but thinking of himself as the all-encompassing Sloan family protector was good for his ego.? He’d experienced death many times before, but the thought that one day his dad might not be there for him scared him.? Eventually he fell into a restless sleep.

When Ellen woke the next morning, Steve was already up and had left a tray with coffee and juice on the nightstand.? Despite his exterior, Ellen sensed he was considerate.

“Thanks for this,” Ellen said, acknowledging the tray as Steve entered the room after discreetly knocking the door.

“You’re welcome.? How’s the wrist?”

“Sore, but I’ll still be able to go into Cedar View this afternoon,” Ellen told him.

“What?? They’re onto you!”

“Well if I don’t go, I’ll confirm their suspicions.? And we don’t know it was anyone from the home, the more I think about it the more I think it was random.? By the way, who is Matt Stone?? I assume he’s under cover, but he’s too old to be a serving cop,” Ellen surmised.

“He’s a doctor who works as a police consultant,” was all Steve volunteered.

“If you’re ever taken hostage I can’t imagine you giving much away.”

“I’ve told you all you need to know.? Look, when you’re ready I’ll take you to your place, then I’ve some work to do,” Steve said gruffly.

***

Ellen’s wrist was sore, but she managed to go to work.? It was amazing how much she was able to discover when people assumed English wasn’t her first language, she was excited at the progress she was making and, if her hunches were correct, she might be on the verge of a bigger scoop concerning Steve.? She wasn’t sure what exactly, she knew there was a story there, she just had to sniff it out.? Her head was buzzing with excitement, it was strange how life worked out sometimes.? If she hadn’t been attacked, she’d never have been to the beach house and that was where she’d find the answer to whatever it was that was puzzling her.? She momentarily felt guilty over planning to expose someone who’d probably saved her life, but that didn’t grant immunity from due process if he was hiding something.? She took Mark’s supper into his room, and closed the door.? She decided to drop the accent and come clean to him, if Lt Sloan hadn’t already told him.

“Mr Stone, I know you’re under cover, so am I.? My name’s Ellen Sharp, I work for the Scoop.? I met Lt Sloan last night, he told me a little about the investigation.? I think someone’s illegally testing drugs here.”

“I think you’re right, but what exactly did Lt Sloan tell you?”

“Not a lot really, just the bare bones.? He’s strange, it’s like he’s hiding some big secret.? I mean, he’s divorced, he still sees his daughter but that house!? There’s no way he can afford that on a cop’s salary.? Unless,” Ellen stopped, the pieces finally falling into place and realizing what her great scoop was; all she needed now was evidence.

“Listen, Miss Sharp.? I know Steve really well, and the only payroll he’s on is LAPD’s, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Mark said, reluctant to reveal more until he’d spoken to Steve.

“You really are related to him aren’t you?” Ellen stated, comprehension and disappointment hitting her in equal measures.

“Yes, I’m his dad, it’s my house, Steve lives with me.? I don’t know why he hasn’t told you, I’ll speak to him later.? I’m Mark Sloan by the way.”

“Well, whatever’s up with Steve, we still have a job to do here.? Someone tried to attack me last night, I’m not sure if it’s related to this case or random, but I think we’d be wise to pool our information.? You agree?” Ellen asked, ever the pragmatist.? She’d leave the mysterious Steve Sloan until later, if ever.

***

“Any progress, dad?” Steve asked during his weekend visit, after he’d managed to escape the attentions of Mrs. Jones.

“Yes, one of the physicians is using non-FDA approved drugs, I’ve acquired some samples, here, give them to Amanda to test.? If the results are what I think they’ll be, we should have enough evidence for you to make an arrest.? Ellen and I had a staged conversation within Dr. Wilson’s hearing where we managed to reveal I own a substantial property.”

“So you weren’t completely dishonest,” Steve grinned.

“No, he’s been giving me the bedside spiel about drugs and how much research he could do if he had the funds, he’s doing the softening up routine.? He has a great bedside manner for dealing with the rich and lonely.? He convinces them of the benefits of using ‘natural’ remedies to prolong the onset of full-blown Alzheimer’s, omitting to mention the drugs aren’t FDA approved.? He avoids arousing suspicions among patients by pandering to their egos – he tells them they’re the only person using the drug, it’s rare and expensive.? They believe it’s their wealth keeping them alive, when in fact it’s accelerating their death, in my view.”

“I’ll do some research into him,” Steve stated.

“A few more days should do it, it’s been fun working with Ellen, she’s a smart girl.? Steve, I need to ask you something, why did you mislead her?”

“I didn’t,” Steve replied, slightly puzzled.

“Maybe not intentionally, but she’s under the impression you’re divorced, and Katie doesn’t live with us.? I never thought you’d deny Katie,” Mark said disappointedly.

“No, I know I was a jerk in the past, but well, sometimes, I, oh, I don’t know, I didn’t feel like telling her my life history, but I never said I was divorced or that Katie didn’t live with me,” Steve mumbled guiltily, remembering his exact words to Ellen.

“Sounds like she made quite an impression on you, but I think you might be making a mistake misleading her,” Mark cautioned.

“Well, if you call taking risks, being feisty and trading insults with me making an impression, then bingo, she did.”

***

Amanda carried out the necessary tests and confirmed the drugs were unlicensed.? Steve investigated the background of Dr. Wilson.? Steve soon discovered he had massive gambling debts, and suspected he was trying to reduce them by carrying out tests for the drug companies on unsuspecting victims, plus persuading the patients to change their wills in his favor.

Within a few days Steve had sufficient evidence to arrest Dr. Wilson who was still protesting his innocence when Steve unceremoniously bundled him into the squad car after arresting him.

Steve strolled over to Ellen’s car, where she was chatting with Mark.

“Hey, why don’t we all go out to celebrate?” Mark suggested.

“Maybe.? Look, Ellen, you realize you can’t publish your article yet?? It could jeopardize the trial if you did,” Steve told her.

“I’m not completely stupid Lieutenant,” Ellen replied, irritated by his implication.

“I never said you were, you can have all the glory you want when the trial’s over,” Steve told her.

“I didn’t do it for the glory,” Ellen countered angrily.

“I never said that either!”

“Hey, what’s your problem Lieutenant?”

“I don’t have a problem, I was just being civil,” Steve responded.

“Civil?? There must be a different definition in your dictionary.? No wonder you’re divorced, you’re real clumsy with words, they can be a vicious weapon you know,” she shot back.

“And you’d know all about that but you don’t know anything about me.? Oh, I forgot, you work for the Scoop, you’re used to jumping to conclusions,” Steve said scornfully, wondering what he’d done to deserve such hostility.

“I know I’d rather eat my own flesh than spend another minute with you, go to hell Lieutenant,” Ellen hissed.

“Hey, stop!? This is no way to act,” Mark intervened, annoyed at the sudden animosity he’d been forced to observe, like a captive spectator at a tennis match.

“Mark, I’m sorry, I’m not normally like this,” Ellen told him.

“Look, that scream-fest wasn’t the finest moment for either of you, Steve has some issues he needs to sort out but that’s up to him,” Mark said, looking deliberately at Steve, but disappointed with Ellen’s sudden and vitriolic attack, he hadn’t seen that coming.

“Give me a call and we’ll talk, ok?” Mark offered, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Thanks, that’s kind of you, specially after what’s just gone on,” Ellen responded, embarrassed by her outburst.

Steve walked silently to his car, not looking forward to the journey home.? He was glad Mark was safe and coming home, but he wasn’t happy.? They’d been driving in silence for almost 10 minutes, when Steve spoke.

“Dad, I’m sorry about that.? I shouldn’t have reacted.? I don’t know what came over me.”

“I think deep down you do, but you have to work it out yourself.? The bottom line is you’re a widower, I can’t believe after the hassle we had over keeping Katie you’d want to pretend she doesn’t live with us.? That said, I don’t think you deserved what Ellen threw at you.”

The journey continued in silence, both men pensive.? Mark thought about Steve’s feelings, he was raw right now, maybe counseling would help.? Yes, Steve was widowed, but that didn’t mean he had to live a life of misery, he had a social life of sorts.? Mark cast his mind back to when Lena died.? He’d made the classic mistake of telling Steve he knew how he felt, he was a widower too, they had common ground.? Steve soon disabused him of that notion, pointing out he’d had a long and happy marriage and two children, and it was almost a blessing when Kathryn died to see her suffering end.? Steve had it stolen away from him within a year of marriage.? It bothered Mark to see Steve so unhappy.? Trouble was, Steve was over-protective.? Male single parents weren’t that unusual but it was like Steve worried Katie would miss out and over-compensated; somewhere along the way, he’d forgotten about himself.? They’d gotten a result in the investigation, but Mark now saw how lonely Steve still was.? That hurt Mark, as a father all he wanted was to see his children happy.? He’d have to work on encouraging Steve to take time out for himself.

***

Between their jobs and life in general, both Mark and Steve were kept busy the next couple of months.? Steve was involved in the hunt for a serial murderer attacking women who lived alone, usually at night, which continued his usual combination of day and night shifts.? He didn’t mind nights, it meant he could be there in the day for Katie, for a long time he’d been capable of functioning on catnaps.

***

“Dad, are you doing anything tonight?” Steve asked on Friday morning as he entered the kitchen after returning from a night shift.

“Yeah.? Ellen’s taking me to dinner, she wants to write an article about senior citizens in the workplace.? She’s going to interview me on a freelance basis, she’s trying to diversify.? Did you want me to look after Katie?”

“It’s ok, we got a result on the case a few hours ago, some of the guys are going out to celebrate and I thought I’d join them.? No problem, some other time,” Steve smiled.

“Hey, that’s great.”

“Yeah, we used rape-bait, and he fell for it.? His apartment was a pervert’s paradise, turned out he was responsible for the attack on Ellen too, she’ll be notified officially later today.”

“How about I try and make it an early dinner and take Katie with me?? That way we all have an evening out,” Mark suggested.

“You sure she won’t be in the way?”

“Not at all, she’s part of my life after all, I’ll be annoyed if I’m not portrayed as the doting grandpa, she keeps me young.? Ellen wants a profile and she’ll get one, she might even want to interview you at some stage,” Mark suggested.

“I doubt it, I never explained things to her, and last time I saw her wasn’t my finest moment.? I don’t mind you mentioning Katie, but I’d prefer not to have too much publicity – I’d hate for her to be a target for the criminal fraternity.”

“I understand, I’ll be careful.? You know why you acted like you did, don’t you?” Mark asked rhetorically, bringing the conversation back to Steve.? He’d have cancelled dinner happily, as long as Steve went out socially.

“Yeah, I figured it out,” Steve acknowledged bashfully.

“We’re going to Barbeque Bob’s if you want to join us,” Mark replied, smiling.

***

Steve went to dinner with his co-workers, he enjoyed the banter and was glad the case was solved, but inside he was miserable.? After two lite beers he left saying he needed to go home to Katie.? That didn’t do his conscience any favors, using Katie as an excuse – he was only fooling himself, he knew it and his friends knew it too, he had to get his act together.? Steve wasn’t happy how he’d left things with Ellen, so he drove out to Bob’s.?

***

“Ellen, thanks for agreeing to an early dinner.? Steve doesn’t ask me to help him as much as I’d like him to, I didn’t want to turn him down,” Mark explained when Katie was in the rest room, “I’m home on Wednesday afternoon, you can have a more in depth interview then if you’d like.”

“No problem, I didn’t realize Steve had custody.? I think I can guess the answer, but do you like babysitting Katie?”

“Of course I do, she helps keep me young.? One thing I’d like the article to focus on if you don’t mind me suggesting, is how the elderly have a lot to offer, we don’t become redundant once we reach a certain age, even if today’s youth-orientated society thinks we are,” Mark said, trying to shift the focus away from Katie slightly.? Ellen’s use of the word custody reminded him she still thought Steve was divorced.

“Grandpa, please may I have another soda?” Katie asked, returning to the table.

***

When Steve arrived, he could tell by the laughter they were having a good time.

“Hi, sweetie, gonna give daddy a kiss?” he asked walking up behind Katie.

“Daddy!” Katie screamed excitedly, turning to kiss him, “yuck, you’re all wet!”

“Yeah, it’s just started raining heavily, there’s a good old storm brewing out there.”

“Hi, son.? Did you have a good time?”

“It was ok, but I missed my little girl.? I was jealous thinking she could have a good time without me,” Steve said, smiling proudly at Katie.

“Hi, Ellen, how you doing?” he asked pleasantly.

“Fine thanks,” she replied, pointedly not asking how he was and avoiding eye contact.

Undeterred, Steve continued trying to strike up conversation.? “You heard we arrested your attacker?? Turns out it wasn’t related to Cedar View,” Steve explained, grinning.

“Yeah, thanks,” was the meager contribution.

“How’s the article coming along?? The trial should be over next week, then you can publish.”

“It’s finished.? Mark’s been a great help,” Ellen said, acknowledging Mark’s assistance.

“When we ordered our food, Katie told Ellen you let her eat anything she likes any time at all,” Mark said, trying to prevent a potential repetition of the last time Steve and Ellen met, crediting Steve for being civil, and disappointed with Ellen’s behavior.? She was good company and easy going, but once Steve was on the scene her attitude deteriorated.

“Oh, I do, do I?? Your bedtime story tonight’ll be about the little girl who ate too much candy and was sick.? I think it’s time we went home and left grandpa and Ellen to discuss their business.? Come on, finish your ice cream,” Steve said cheerily, conceding he wasn’t making progress with Ellen right now, only eliciting hostility which served no benefit.

“Can I wait up until grandpa gets home?” Katie asked.

“We’ll see, it depends what time he gets back.”

“I hadn’t realized you all live together until tonight,” Ellen finally contributed to the conversation, albeit in a petulant tone.

“That’s because we don’t have mommies.? Do you have a mommy, Ellen?” Katie asked.

“Yes, I do,” Ellen replied cautiously, one quick glance at Steve’s face telling her something wasn’t right.? Ellen had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. ?She’d made a huge assumption that night at the beach house – the possibility Steve was a widower not a divorcee, dawned on her.

“My mommy’s dead, grandpa helps daddy look after me,” Katie confirmed, unaware of the impact of her simple statement.

Ellen was furious with Steve, but wasn’t going to cause a scene; Katie was the innocent party in this.

“Look, I have to go, I’ll be in touch about the article Mark, bye Katie,” she said, pausing briefly to glare at Steve.

‘A storm’s just brewed in here too’ Mark thought as he watched Steve follow Ellen to the parking lot.

“Hey, Katie, how about we have a slow eating competition, whoever takes the most time to eat their ice-cream doesn’t pay the bill,” he teased his granddaughter.

***

“Ellen, wait,” Steve shouted as he followed her out to the parking lot, “I can explain.”

“I doubt it.? You took me for a fool.? It’s obvious the contempt you have for me.? And while technically you haven’t lied, omission’s the same thing.? I didn’t expect your life history, but an iota of honesty would’ve been appreciated.? Your daughter’s beautiful, a credit to you, but you let me think you were divorced, she didn’t live with you, and I said some horrible things to you.? Is it easy being a misogynist?? That’s rhetorical by the way, I know the answer.? Now get the hell out of my way, it’s raining, I’m getting soaked, even a detective like you must be able to notice that, I’m going, and if I never see you again it’ll be too soon,” Ellen ordered.

Steve moved against the driver’s door.

“Hey, I made openings back there, you chose not to enter, don’t crucify me.? I’m nowhere near perfect, but I’m not some evil misogynist you seem to think I am.? I never lied to you, ok, I admit you made wrong assumptions and I didn’t discourage them, but I hope you never have any idea what it’s like, losing someone you love and being left to bring up a child alone.? But you’re safe on that score, the only person you’re interested in is yourself,” Steve said scornfully.

“Drop the sympathy ploy, go to hell, defective!”

“Gee, that’s original, that the best you can come up with?” Steve shot back harshly.

“I’m not interested in a catfight, get out of my way!”

“Nor am I, listen Ellen, I don’t know how we arrived here, but I’m sick of trading insults.? Let’s wipe the slate clean, ok?”

“There’s no point!? Get out of my way right now or I’ll scream!”

Steve didn’t know whether it was the rain falling down her face or the passion that flared in her eyes, but right now he’d never been so attracted to a woman.? She opened her mouth, and Steve made his move.? He pulled her against him and kissed her.? He knew it was wrong, but it felt so right.? His consciousness became aware something else was wrong too.? She should be struggling, trying to push him away, but she wasn’t.? She was responding to him, her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him closer to her.? Steve knew it was going to end, but this was heaven.? Eventually they broke the kiss and pulled slightly apart from each other, not completely breaking contact.? They stood looking at one another, breathless, a combination of desire and embarrassment flushed on their faces.? Steve was first to speak.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I was way out of line, I shouldn’t have done a lot of things.? If you want to file a complaint I won’t deny it.? You’re soaked, you’d better go home, drive carefully.”

“Look, I’ll maybe call you some time, I’m sorry too, I have to go,” Ellen said, utterly confused.

Steve moved away and watched as she drove off, rain teeming down on him.

***

Ellen was totally confused.? She’d thought all that mattered was her career.? She came from a blue-collar family in New Jersey.? Unlike most of her family, she didn’t cling to the dream of a lottery win to improve her life – she elected to work hard.? After college, she’d moved west and was hired in the classified section of the LA Times.? It was a foot in the door as far as she was concerned.? Her adverts were good, but she couldn’t break into the features league.? When the opportunity of a job with the Scoop came along, she grabbed it, it was the break she’d been waiting for.

Ellen knew how some people viewed the Scoop, but the circulation was high and she tried to up the tone of her articles without offending readers.? She’d had relationships along the way, but she’d been too pre-occupied with her career to fully invest in a relationship.? So what the hell was happening to her?? It was bad enough Sloan had kissed her, but she’d gone and responded to him.? Ellen didn’t know what was happening here, which wasn’t a situation she enjoyed, she liked to be in control.

***

Ellen met Mark for lunch at the beach house on Wednesday.? She was pleased he’d still agreed to meet her, she knew she’d acted badly on Friday and told him so.

“That’s history as far as I’m concerned, come on, let’s get down to business.? I need to collect Katie in a few hours, Steve’s working late tonight.? He thought we’d make more progress if she wasn’t here,” Mark explained.

“I understand, but she’s a nice kid, very well behaved.”

“Yes, she’s the best.? Steve was devastated when Lena died, but now well, I love having him and Katie living with me, I couldn’t imagine life without them.”

“How did she die?? I’m sorry, I’m being intrusive.”

“I think that’s something Steve should tell you, if and when you’ll let him, but he’s had a rough ride over the years,” Mark told her.? Ellen duly noted the words ‘if and when you’ll let him’, reminding her, as if she needed reminding, she had to cut Steve some slack.

Once they dropped the subject of Steve and concentrated on the interview, they made good progress.

***

Steve didn’t get home until past midnight.? He checked in on Mark and Katie’s rooms, they were both sleeping.? He poured himself a beer and turned on the television.? Ellen hadn’t called him, and as he hadn’t been arrested he was guessing she hadn’t filed assault charges yet.? As far as he could tell she’d left no message for him that afternoon.? He sat thinking over the situation.? He’d blown it, big time.? He’d dated since Lena’s death, but never reached a second date.? He knew what had happened.? For the first time since Lena died despite Ellen’s occasional annoying behavior he’d had a physical and emotional attraction to a woman.? He’d tried to deny it at first, that’s why he didn’t disabuse her when she jumped to conclusions over his marital status and they’d both made mistakes.? He’d had time to think, Ellen’s behavior wasn’t always attractive, but there was a spark between them, it just needed igniting.? He’d make the first move, he didn’t care if she viewed that as a victory, it was the end result that counted.

***

Ellen was busy at work, she was ready to publish the article on Cedar View, and she needed to complete the article on Mark.? If she was to continue her career plan it had to be by her own hands and the opportunity to take advantage of Mark’s experience was ideal, even if she felt uneasy using him to further her career.? Mark was loyal to his family, that much was clear and she understood it.? She’d have to speak to him again soon, but there was the Steve situation, she was still confused.? She couldn’t work out why he’d tried to hide being a widower.? Ok, he’d misled her, but she hadn’t exactly shown her best side in her exchanges with him.? And the kiss.? That was totally unexpected, but she’d enjoyed it.? She wasn’t sure whether it was being kissed or Steve kissing her she’d enjoyed.? Try as she might, her mind refused to shift from Steve.? A brief distraction came with the arrival of the mail-guy, bearing a large bouquet of flowers.

“Someone thinks highly of you,” he commented, dumping the flowers unceremoniously on her desk.?

Ellen opened the card and read it.

‘Ellen, I’m sorry for being so out of line with you.? I hope you like these sunflowers and lisianthus; I chose them for what they represent.? I owe you an explanation, please call me.? If I don’t hear from you by 8pm on Friday, I’ll know you don’t want to speak to me and respect your decision.? I’m not being spineless sending a note; for most people it’s harder to reject someone face to face.? It’s your call.

Steve.’

Ellen appreciated having the option of contacting him.? Her knowledge of flowers was minimal; she went online to look up their significance.? When she found out she smiled, she’d call him, but she’d make him sweat until Friday.

***

On Friday evening Mark was working, so Steve let Katie to stay up later than normal and they watched a Disney video.? He self-pityingly figured right now she was probably the only female who thought he had any redeeming features.? He was glad of the company, especially when 8pm came and went.? He didn’t know it, but someone else was unsettled too.

Ellen meant to call him Friday afternoon, but was dragged into a circulation meeting which didn’t finish until past 7.00pm.? Ellen was annoyed when she left, she’d wanted to tease Steve, not hurt him.? She could have called, but as she’d intended to see him anyway, she drove straight to the beach house.? She knew Steve had some issues but that wasn’t exactly headline news.? She was calm now and wanted to hear his explanation.? Katie was a lovely girl, she couldn’t understand why he’d hid his past.? She also knew she’d been childish; Steve deserved an apology too.

Steve and Katie had finished watching the video when the doorbell rang.? Steve answered the door, expecting someone on a mission to convert or a vendor selling a remarkable but useless device that would make his life complete.

“Ellen!” Steve said, surprised to see her.

“Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d call in.? Thanks for the flowers, they were beautiful.? Respect and appreciation, seems I may’ve misjudged you.? You going to invite me in?” she asked, smiling hesitantly.

“Sure, come on in.? We’ve just finished watching a video, dad’s out.”

“Hi Ellen,” Katie smiled seeing their visitor.

“Hi Katie, how are you?”

“I’m good,” Katie answered, failing to stifle a yawn.

“I think someone’s tired.? Come on Katie, it’s way past bedtime and we’re going to the school fair tomorrow,” Steve said, seeing she was indeed tired.

“But Ellen’s here, I want to talk to her.”

“Hey, how about I read you a bedtime story?” Ellen offered.

“Ok, night daddy,” Katie said as she kissed him goodnight, never slow to seize an opportunity.

“Night Katie, see you tomorrow,” Steve grinned as Katie led the way to her bedroom.

Steve was seesawing between elation and desperation.? Ellen didn’t seem angry, but she wouldn’t argue in front of Katie.? He’d had time to reflect, they’d both made mistakes, but that was history, he wanted Ellen in his future.? He was rearranging the CD collection into alphabetical order to pass the time when Ellen came back in the room.

“You’ve made a good impression there, is she asleep?”

“Yes, she’s asleep.? I don’t know much about kids Steve, but she’s a good one, you should be proud of her.”

“I’m biased, but yes, she’s beautiful, smart, a handful and I have to work hard to stop her wrapping me round her little finger, but other than that, I love her totally.? But what about you, are you here to kick my butt or bust me for stupidity?”

“Neither, well, not yet.? I believe it’s customary for the accused to offer a defense, so here’s your chance.”

“Can I get you something to drink? ?I might end up talking for a long time once I start,” he said wryly.

“Soda please, if you have it.”

While Steve went to get drinks, Ellen sat in the middle of the couch, hoping it’d give him the signal to sit next to her.? She wasn’t sure what was happening, she felt like a teenager on a first date, which was ridiculous, she’d come to clear the air, that was all.? Trouble was, deep down she knew that was untrue.? Despite her best efforts she couldn’t fight the fact she was attracted to Steve and it felt dangerous.? She had a career plan and a relationship didn’t feature in it.

Steve returned with two glasses of soda and placed them on the table.? Most of his dealings with women since Lena’s death had been platonic; he wasn’t sure where to sit, so stood awkwardly by the table looking at Ellen.

“Steve, are you going to sit down? ?You’re making me nervous, standing there.”

“That’s because I am nervous.? Let’s go out to the balcony, it’s a clear night and maybe being under the stars might loosen me up.”

They took their drinks outside, Ellen sat down while Steve leaned against the railings.

“This is nice,” he said, uncertain exactly what he meant was nice, aware he was stalling.

“Look, I know this isn’t easy, but I’m not rushing off anywhere.? Go ahead, speak to me, I don’t always attack,” Ellen smiled encouragingly.

“Ok, well what I’m about to say, you might want to rush off once I’ve said it, but if I don’t say it, I’ll never know if I’d have been right to say it or not.”

“Steve, you’re probably as nervous as I am, but look, we’ve already slept together, we’ve kissed, I think we’re past the embarrassment phase, there’s no need to beat around the bush,” Ellen gently teased, knowing this was for difficult him.

“Yeah, well I’m rusty in some areas.? It’s a long time since I’ve spoken to an attractive woman, unless I’ve been arresting her.? I’ll explain about Lena, our marriage, her death, but promise me one thing?? Please don’t say you’re sorry about anything I tell you?”

“Deal.? Look, I know this isn’t easy, but if there’s any future for us, even just as friends, we have to be totally honest,” Ellen began, unaware how her words lifted Steve’s heart, “and before you start, I want to say something.? I was angry you mislead me.? But I’m really sorry for how I insulted you, our verbal exchanges, well, I’m not proud of them.? And you saved my life, I never thanked you properly for that.”

“I’m a cop, I like helping people.? But don’t you see? ?That’s it, that’s the problem straightaway.? I’m dad, cop, son, widower, single-parent, but never me, Steve.? I’ve not even told dad this and we’re closer than most fathers and sons.? When a new detective arrives at the precinct, they’re fine, they treat me like everyone else.? Then someone tells them I’m a widower with a young daughter, and their attitude changes, they walk on eggshells round me for a time.? I get their sympathy.? Some of the female officers, they see me as a challenge, like seducing a priest.? I know it’s ungrateful, but I’m sick of sympathy.? It doesn’t matter how you sugar coat it, that’s the way it is.? Here and there people are fine from the start, but that’s rare.? I just want someone to notice me, Steve.”

Ellen was surprised, she’d no idea he felt that way.? She stood up and took his hands, she’d noticed he’d moved them nervously when he was talking, hoping it would settle him.

“Steve, I don’t pity you, but saying sorry, it’s a natural reaction.? Do you think I’m glad about what I said?? Of course I’m not.? If you haven’t told Mark, well that tells me a lot, you’ve got a better relationship with your dad than I have with either of my parents.? I won’t say sorry for your situation, only for what I’ve said.? And I’m annoyed with myself from a professional viewpoint.? You fooled me without even trying, I thought what you wanted me to think.? You ready to continue?? You can’t stop now.”

“Ok, where do I start?? Well, me and Lena, we weren’t even married a year.? It was a honeymoon pregnancy, I was in seventh heaven, after being a poster-boy for dead-end relationships I was in love and having a family.? Lena was a food critic, we met when she was the judge at the precinct’s annual cook-in, I won first prize for my chili.? But there was no happy ending.? When I became a father I didn’t want it, I wanted the family package, not the single parent one.? The pregnancy was fine, but at nearly eight months, that’s when everything went wrong.? We were driving back from the mall, a hit and run driver crashed into us, Lena took the brunt of it.? I was ok, bruised, a few broken ribs.? Lena was put on life-support.? They did tests, but there was no brain activity.? She was kept alive for a few more weeks until it was viable to deliver Katie by C-section.? That’s when it really hit home, the day after the doctors asked my permission to turn off life support.? Until then I’d convinced myself she’d recover.? I kind of figured if I denied it, it wasn’t happening.? Lena never even held Katie.? I went to pieces.? The driver was never found, I couldn’t take my anger out on him so I took it out on Katie, dad, the hospital, anyone who was available.? I wasn’t nice to know back then, or perhaps a better way of phrasing it is I was even worse back then.”

“Steve, don’t knock yourself,” Ellen whispered.

“Shhh, it gets worse,” he said, placing a finger on her lips before continuing.

“I wanted to give Katie up for adoption.? I couldn’t separate her birth from Lena’s death, I refused to see her.? Amanda, she’s a good friend of ours who works with dad, she suggested I place Katie in foster care temporarily, avoid any rash decisions.? Dad went ballistic, said no grandchild of his was going into the foster system while he was alive, if necessary, he’d go to court for custody of Katie, and have me hospitalized on temporary insanity grounds.? I said I’d sue Community General for negligence, it was a crap hospital, it wouldn’t have happened at Cedars-Sinai.? Looking back, I’d never seen dad so angry.

To make a long story short, Lena’s mom then decided she wanted custody of Katie.? She never really liked me and blamed me for everything.? It was during one of her outbursts I broke down completely and was admitted as a patient.? I wasn’t the best of patients, when your dad’s the chief of internal medicine, you get the five-star treatment whether you want it or not.? I spent a long time severely traumatized and heavily sedated.? I don’t even remember Lena’s funeral, but apparently I went to it.? It was Lena’s mom who unintentionally gave me my wake up call.? She found out dad intended to help me bring up Katie and said it was unnatural, two men bringing up a baby girl.? Dad heard she was going to court and that persuaded me to accept help from the bereavement counselors.? Even in the state I was in, I didn’t like the virtual accusation of being unfit to raise my own daughter.? I knew despite how I’d acted, I loved Katie, I was yelling out for attention, I couldn’t give her up.? Her full name’s Kathryn Lena by the way, dad chose the names, Kathryn was my mom’s name, she died of cancer eight years ago.? Lena’s mom took me to court.? The judge was really understanding, said I was the legal parent and my grief was perfectly natural, the case was thrown out.? It’s sad, she died two years ago, and we’d never fully reconciled our differences, we just had an uneasy truce.?

Anyway, I temporarily moved in here.? LAPD was great, granted me indefinite leave of absence.? It was hard at first, but with help, I learned to cope.? Then one day, Katie smiled at me, I can’t describe how it made me feel, but I knew then life was for living and she was totally dependant on me.? I went back to work just before she was a year old.? Dad and I had bridges to build, but we did.? I love him, and wouldn’t be here today without him, he helped me so much.? He arranged for Katie to go to the hospital’s day care center – he said it’s no good having strings if you don’t pull them now and then.”

Steve paused for a sip of his drink.

“Does it ever cause problems, you both working and looking after Katie?” Ellen inquired.

“Not very often.? Originally I intended to move back to my place, but it was destroyed in an earthquake, and it was easier to stay here, my support network’s really good.? Our neighbors the Flimlins are great; they took Katie on vacation when dad was at Cedar View.? I wasn’t very good over that either.? I tried cheap emotional blackmail to stop him, which clearly failed.? Katie’s due to start school soon, that’s why we’re going there tomorrow, there’s a PTA fair, it has pre and after lesson care which’ll make things easier for us, even though dad never complains.”

“Steve, I won’t say what I promised not to, but what you’ve just told me, there was no malice, no self-pity, you just told it plainly, but it was one hell of a trauma.”

“I’ve done with grieving, it’s like it happened in another lifetime.? I’ll never forget Lena, that’s how it is.? Telling you all this, it’s a relief actually.”

“I have to ask, did you intentionally mislead me?”

“Honestly?? I’m not sure, I hope not, but it’s like I said earlier, the sympathy factor.? At times I’ve gotten used to not being nice, I could use the excuse of the job, I’d never solve assignments by being nice and it’s kind of crossed over to what passes as my personal life.? And despite what I’ve said about pity, I’ve some well-meaning friends.? When Katie turned two, a few of them tried to help me.? I went on a couple of blind dates, mainly out of respect for the fact they cared.? The dates were hopeless, none of them ever reached a second one.? Some saw me as a meal ticket and we had nothing to talk about, I’d had better conversations with Katie’s dolls, others, once they found out Katie was so young, ran, and as far as I know still are.? I’ve been out to dinner with a few nurses who’ve kids in day care, but all we had in common was being a single-parent, and we’d just end up drowning in self-pity.? Which brings me round to you, oh boy, this is difficult,” Steve paused.

“Look, if nothing else, you’ve impressed me with your honesty, don’t stop now,” Ellen said, retaking his hands.

“When I first met you, I was attracted to you, even though I tried to fight it.? I was confused, I’d given up hope of having genuine feelings for a woman again.? It’s selfish, I’m totally responsible for Katie, but I figured if you knew I was a widower with baggage, I’d either get pity or you’d want to run from the baggage.? And suddenly me, Steve, I wanted something.? I wanted you to feel the same kind of attraction to me as I did to you.? I thought what I could offer– the job plus a child and it didn’t seem attractive.? But other cops manage relationships, heck, some of them like marriage and divorce so much they make a habit of it.? So, for one selfish second, I end up virtually denying Katie’s presence and betraying Lena’s memory.? If it’s any consolation, I feel a total jerk right now,” Steve finished.

“Oh, Steve,” Ellen sighed.

“Well now you know.? You deserved the truth, I’m sorry it took so long to tell you.? I’m sorry about almost all of my dealings with you.? I didn’t respect you, I misjudged you.”

“There’s something I need to tell you.? I’ve had a lot of time to think and most of the anger I shot at you was unfair, you were an easy target.? I was fighting something, I understand a lot better now.? What about when we kissed, do you regret that?”

“Yes in that I forced myself on you, but no, it was awesome, just as I’d imagined.”

“You shocked me at first, but you’re a detective, you probably noticed I started to enjoy it, I was confused back then.? I think we should repeat awesome experiences Steve, kiss me,” Ellen said, draping her arms around his neck.

“No, not yet,” he said, gently freeing himself from her arms.

“I’m sorry, it’s, I thought, oh my god!” Ellen babbled.

“Let’s go inside,” Steve said taking her hand, leading her into the lounge where they sat beside one another on the couch.

“I am so embarrassed.? I thought you wanted to kiss me, I wanted to kiss you,” Ellen said, blushing furiously.

“Oh I do, believe me,” Steve said smiling, still holding her hand and gently stroking her hair with his other hand.

“But I want you to be absolutely sure it’s what you want and it’s not because you’ve heard the train wreck of my past.? Right now you’re probably taking in what I’ve told you.? If and when we kiss, I want it to be what we both genuinely want.? I didn’t say never, just not yet.? Anyway, what about you, any significant others I need to wipe out?” Steve teased, trying to lighten the mood

“I’m single at the moment if that’s what you mean.? I’ve had relationships in the past, but nothing serious.? Should the right man appear, then I’m available,” Ellen said looking directly into Steve’s eyes.

“I’d be shocked if someone as attractive as you hadn’t had relationships.? Would you like to go for dinner some time soon, like tomorrow night?? I’d like to take you out.”

“Yes, I’d like that.”

***

They arranged to go out for dinner early the next evening after his visit to the school, neither of them wanted to lose any momentum.? It wouldn’t be a long date, but it’d give Ellen an idea what a relationship with Steve would be like.? When he arrived at Ellen’s he gave her a bunch of calla lilies.

“I could get used to this, what do these signify, and how come you know so much about flowers?? I know I’ve made completely wrong assumptions about you, but you don’t strike me as a flower expert.”

“These represent beauty, work it out.? This time your assumption’s right, I don’t know much about flowers, but dad does.? Occasionally, when Katie was a baby, I’d sit in the garden with her.? Dad used go on about nature’s cycle, I think he was giving me the deep and meaningful treatment, sometimes it’s hard for him being a doctor and a dad and knowing when to switch off and stop over-analyzing.? Come on, let’s go eat,” Steve said, planting a kiss on her cheek, and placing his arm round her waist.

They went to a nearby Italian restaurant.? They spoke comfortably, with no need for alcohol; they were getting high on the presence of each other.?

“So, Mrs. Hamilton, she’ll be Katie’s first teacher?” Ellen verified what Steve had been telling her.

Steve had tried not to spend the entire evening talking about Katie, he didn’t want to bore Ellen, he wanted to impress her.? Trouble was, Ellen kept bringing the conversation round to Katie.

“Yeah, she seemed really nice.? She’ll make sure Katie doesn’t feel left out when the class makes Mother’s Day cards, those kinds of situations.? She’s used to children from single-parent families, though not so many of them are due to death.? I’ve no worries over her abilities.? You know, here I am trying to impress you with my Sloan charm, and all you want to talk about is school, I think I’ve lost my touch,” he told her self-deprecatingly.

“Oh, it’s working,” she reassured him.

Ellen wanted to ask more, she’d never felt like this before, she was jealous she hadn’t been part of the visit, which was insane, she had no possessive rights to Steve, this was a first date, that was all.? Which wasn’t strictly true, she was kidding herself – she was falling for him big time.

Steve had to be at work by 10, so they were outside Ellen’s home by 9.30.? Ellen invited him in, but he took a rain check, knowing if he went in it would be even more difficult to leave her.? They stood by the front door, Steve holding Ellen’s hands.

“I’ve really enjoyed tonight, I hope you have.”

“It’s been nice Steve, very nice.? It’s a shame it had to end early, but I knew it would,” she told him.

Steve cupped her face with his hands and kissed her.? It soon became passionate, but time wasn’t on their side.? Some day soon, he’d let her know just how much he cared.

“You know I can’t take you out every night, dad’ll baby sit, but I can’t leave Katie all the time?” Steve asked, aware a relationship with him included Katie.

“That’s fine by me, and yes, I know what I’m getting into.? I’ve imagined, and trust me I have, our dates including the zoo, park, Disney films, and anywhere else you can go with kids these days – though I draw the line at more than one visit a week to a fast food joint.? I’ll come to the beach house some nights, and you and Katie can come here sometimes.? What’s so funny?” Ellen asked, seeing the grin on Steve’s face.

“I’m a co-owner of Barbeque Bob’s.”

***

Steve told Katie he was going out with Ellen, and she seemed fine about it.? He wasn’t entirely sure she understood, but she was a smart girl and several of her friends at day care were part of non-conventional families.

The next weekend Mark held a barbeque supposedly to thank Amanda and Jesse for their help in dealing with recent staff shortages but in reality to enjoy their company out of work.? Steve invited Ellen, and suggested she stay over night instead of having a late drive back to her place afterward.?

Jesse, Amanda and the boys were already there when Steve and Ellen arrived.? Katie, CJ and Dion sat on the side of the hot tub splashing their feet in the water.? After introductions Ellen and Steve stood by the side of the tub, Steve in particular enjoying being in a relaxed setting with people he cared about.? He dipped his foot in the water to deliberately splash the children.

He didn’t realize Mark was behind him and so was surprised when he pushed him in the tub, a task made easier by the fact Steve was balanced on one leg.

Everyone laughed as the children splashed Steve.? Eventually he escaped and went inside to dry off; when he returned the food was ready.? The afternoon was good fun for everyone; Steve sat sandwiched between Ellen and Katie at the table, feeling happy.

“Hey, Steve, how come you seem to be stuck to Ellen?” Jesse asked with his usual lack of tact.

“Because she’s finally realized what great eye candy I make and we’re dating,” Steve told him, planting a butterfly kiss on Ellen’s cheek, glad of the chance to publicize their fledgling relationship.

By early evening all of the guests had left except Ellen.? Katie was exhausted and didn’t offer any resistance when Steve said she had to go to bed.? Ellen watched as Steve helped her prepare for bed, his paternal pride clearly evident.? Once Katie was asleep and they were back in the lounge Steve spoke.

“Do you want me to take you home yet or would you like to stay?? You can stay overnight in the guest room if you like.”

“I don’t want to go yet.? Today’s been great and an empty evening at my place isn’t attractive.? Say, how about a quick dip in the hot tub?? Then it won’t have been a waste of time bringing my swimsuit,” Ellen suggested.

“Ok, let’s get changed, I’ll grab a bottle of wine.? There’s a bath robe in the guest room if you want it, I’ll meet you there.”

Steve was already in the tub when Ellen arrived, with a bottle of white wine and two glasses on the side.? She slipped off the robe, and stood there, a vision before him in her peach bikini.?

“Is it warm in there?” she asked, dipping her foot into the water.

“Getting hotter by the minute,” Steve said, barely able to speak coherently, rising to help her in.

He held his arms out to help her in and didn’t let her go, they stood in the water looking into one another’s eyes.? Ellen draped her arms round Steve’s neck, and moved closer to him, her body resting against his.

“So, are you going to kiss me, or do you need to dial 911 for backup?”

“There’s only one cop you need right now, and that’s me, I know exactly what to do,” Steve responded, smiling as his lips neared hers.? What began as a tentative kiss soon escalated into a passionate one.? Eventually the kiss broke.

“Wow,” was Ellen’s response.

“You liked that?”

“Stop angling for compliments, that was pretty obvious, even for a LAPD detective,” Ellen teased.

“Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet,” Steve said, closing in for another kiss.

***

“So,” said Ellen sitting on Steve’s lap as they sipped the wine, “you know it’ll be difficult for me to sleep tonight, knowing you’re across the hallway?”

“It won’t be easy for me either.? Years ago I’d have thought we’d wasted too much time tonight, but now, well I have more discriminating tastes and as much as I’d love to spend the night with you, I don’t want to rush things,” he explained, playfully tweaking the strap of Ellen’s bikini top.

“I understand, there’s the little matter of birth control too, but Steve, if you carry on like this, you’ll have to spend the night with me soon, or I’ll go crazy with desire.”

“God Ellen, you are so beautiful.? You want to know something?? Since Lena died, I’ve not had a meaningful relationship of any kind, not even a one-night stand, just lousy blind dates.? Some cops in vice tried to set me up, but I haven’t wanted to touch a woman.? Until now,” Steve explained, planting butterfly kisses on her neck.

As the water rippled over them they spent their time kissing and caressing one another’s bare skin, occasionally stopping to exchange words.

***

Within a short time they’d developed a routine.? With friends and family baby sitting at least once a week Steve managed to take Ellen out as much as possible, and she’d visit the beach house or Steve and Katie would visit her.

Katie began school and settled in really well.? Steve was happy, he was in love.? He hadn’t told Ellen yet, but he would soon.? Life was good.? On the days he didn’t see Ellen they’d speak at least once on the telephone.? Still, Steve was surprised one morning when Ellen rang him at work just before 10am. ?She was working from home that day, and asked Steve to meet her for lunch, she needed to discuss something with him.? Steve couldn’t wait until lunch, he took some personal time and went to see her.?

“Hi, what’s up?” he asked as Ellen let him in.

“Hey, someone’s eager.”

“I couldn’t wait until lunchtime, you said it was important.”

Ellen took his hand and led him to the couch.

“You know I’ve been looking to diversify from the Scoop for some time?” she asked, and Steve nodded.

“Well, these last few months, they’ve been great.? You’ve made me feel alive, vibrant, excited.? Before I met you, I lived for my career.? I had this big game plan, write some articles way above the normal Scoop fare and be noticed by one of the broadsheets.? Well, that dream’s come true, I finished the article on Mark, but didn’t publish it, it’s different when you know and care for the subjects.? I showed it to a colleague though, and the upshot is I’ve been offered a job in Chicago,” she told him.

“That’s quite a ways away, but it’s good, if it’s what you want.? Are you going to accept?” he asked, his heart beating rapidly.

“That depends, on you.? This big game plan, something went wrong.”

“What went wrong?? I wouldn’t want to do anything to stand in the way of your career.”

“I want to give you something,” Ellen said, enigmatically.? She left the room and returned holding a single red rose.

“You’re always bringing me flowers, I thought it was time I returned the favor,” she said handing him the rose.

“I fell in love with you, that’s what went wrong.? I know we’ve not been dating that long, and I don’t want to rush you but I need to know if you plan on being around for the duration.? If you don’t see it the same as me, I’ll move to Chicago, but otherwise I’ll stay.? We’ve gotten hot and heavy but we never take it to the next level, I’m confused over how you see me.? Maybe you’re getting back into the swing of things and testing the waters.? I’m sorry to dump this on you Steve, but I need to know.”

“Ellen, nothing’s gone wrong, come here,” he told her, taking her in his arms and kissing her.

“I love you too.? I was attracted to you the first time I met you, and by the time we kissed for real in the tub, I was in love with you.? I didn’t want to scare you off by rushing things.? I’ve lost track of how things work in the dating game, but believe me, and I’d wager you’ve noticed how I react to you, I’m definitely not immune to you.? Come on over tonight, and I’ll show you how much I love you.? Be there for nine, I want to make sure Katie’s fast asleep, I don’t want any interruptions.? Look, I have to get back to work, but make sure you bring an overnight bag and I’ll take care of everything, ok?” Steve said, winking at her.

Mark was out for the evening, when Ellen arrived, Steve’s plan was well underway.? They’d both known how the night would end, but still dressed to impress.? Ellen wore a turquoise top with spaghetti straps and a black skirt, Steve wore black slacks and a white tee-shirt.? He led her out to the balcony, where there was food and champagne.?

“Would you like to dance before we eat?” he asked, gentle music playing on the CD in the background.

Ellen signaled her acceptance by moving to him.? Their bodies swayed gently to the rhythm of the music.? Eventually the track finished.

“I think we’d better eat now, while I can still concentrate.? There’s only one set of cutlery,” Ellen observed.

“Yeah, I thought we’d share, tonight we become one that kind of thing, it’s me trying to be romantic, humor me ok?” he grinned.

“Fine by me,” Ellen told him, taking the seat Steve had pulled out for her.

He’d made a dish of chicken pasta salad and they fed one another in turns.? Dessert was chocolate fudge cake, again one dish and one spoon.? Neither of them had ever had ever been turned on so much by eating before and by the time they’d finished the atmosphere was sizzling.

Steve stood up.? “You ready?” he asked, unsurprised when Ellen stood up and nodded her head in agreement.

Steve led her into his bedroom, allowing the bedside lamp to illuminate the room.?

“I love you,” he told her.

“What is it about you Steve Sloan that makes me want you?” Ellen asked, smiling seductively at him, gently tugging his tee-shirt from his waistband, lifting it over his head and tossing it to the floor.

“I dunno, but I want you too,” he said huskily as he slipped the straps of her top down her arms.? “I’m glad you’re wearing a bra,” he told her, “it means I get the pleasure of taking it off you.”

Before long all physical and emotional barriers that had ever existed between them had vanished.

***

Ellen lay in Steve’s arms, totally content.? She’d had relationships before, but she’d just experienced making love which was totally different.

“Steve, I have to tell you something.? I know you’ve been in love before, that’s part of you.? But I think I know why I was so confused when we first met.? You’re the first man I’ve ever loved.”

“Ellen, whatever happens between us, you’ll never be second best, I love you,” he told her, his hand drawing circles on her back.

“Steve, I love you and I know you love me, but I’m not jealous of Lena.? Now we really are sleeping together, can I ask you something?? How come there’s no photographs of Lena around the house?? It’s no big deal for me, but I am curious about what she looked like, Katie’s so like you it’s almost unbelievable.”

Steve leaned over and took a photograph out of the nightstand.

“Here’s a photograph of me and Lena on our wedding day.? There weren’t that many, I lost most of them in the earthquake, and rightly or wrongly, I made a judgment call, this place wasn’t going to be a shrine to her.”

“She’s very pretty, you made a handsome couple.”

“And you’re too polite to mention how big she was.? That didn’t matter to me, she was beautiful inside and out.? Look, this maybe isn’t the best timing, but in three weeks it’s Lena’s birthday.? Me and Katie’ll visit the cemetery to lay flowers, will you come with us?? It’d mean a lot to me,” Steve told her.

“Oh Steve, I don’t know, I don’t want to cause any problems or come between you and Katie.? It’s a big step, let me think about it.”

***

After crossing the threshold and becoming lovers, whenever possible they’d spend entire nights together.? Steve wasn’t keen on Ellen’s neighborhood and worried about her safety, so she ended up spending more and more nights at the beach house.?

Ellen eventually agreed to accompany Steve and Katie to Lena’s grave, whether she liked it or not the man she loved was a widower.? Katie was talkative on the drive to the cemetery, Ellen was pleasantly surprised, she hadn’t known what to expect, other than a generally sad time.

Katie placed some pink lilies on Lena’s grave, Steve said they represented mothers.? Ellen tried to step back when Steve and Katie became silent, not wanting to intrude on a highly personal moment, but Steve placed his arm firmly round her waist, making her part of the scene, not allowing her to pull away, his other hand holding onto Katie.

Afterward they went for a meal.? What had surprised Ellen most about the day generally was the sense of celebration, she’d expected both Steve and Katie to be sad and in tears, but apart from the brief silence when she’d tried to back away and she’d assumed they’d been saying silent prayers, it had been a good day.? It wasn’t over-exuberant, but neither was it maudlin.

Ellen also assumed Steve would want to spend the night alone, but realized he had no such intention when they drove past the turning lane for her place and carried on to Malibu.

***

That night, they lay in bed, holding one another close.

“Thanks for today, I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

“I was dreading it, but somehow, it was nice, I suppose I felt included,” Ellen told him.

“You are included, you’re part of my life.? I’ve no idea if there’s an afterlife, but when I was silent at the grave, I was telling Lena about you, how much I love you.? I told her I need to ask you something.? I know I’m a has-been cop with a kid, you probably deserve better than me, I don’t want to hold you back, but I don’t want to lose you.? I’m hoping you’ll consider marrying me, will you?”

“Yes,” was Ellen’s response.

“You’ll consider marrying me?”

“No, I’m way past considering it, I’m planning the wedding.? Of course I’ll marry you Steve.”

“We’ll marry when you say, preferably soon, but I want to buy you an engagement ring.? There is one thing, I don’t want to move out of here.? Dad’s been great to me and it saves uprooting Katie.? The beach house can operate like two separate apartments, so he won’t be in the way,” Steve told her as he held her even closer.

“That’s fine by me.? Let’s face it, we couldn’t afford such a beautiful place even on our combined salaries.? Mark’s great, even though I’ve acted worse than a two year old in front of him at times, I’ve no problems about moving in the here.”

“Move in now then, or at least think about moving in before we get married.? You virtually live here anyway.? Which brings me to my next suggestion.? You wouldn’t have to worry about bills so you could afford to quit the Scoop, go freelance, take a chance.? It’d make me feel good too, I worry about you, it’s safer here.? Even though I’m really glad you didn’t take the job in Chicago, it’d give you more career options.? I’m financially secure and I want to share that with you.? I don’t need help with child care, Katie being at school’s working out really well.? I just want to make you as happy as you make me.”

“Steve, let me think things through.? Moving in, it is attractive, I hate the mornings I wake up alone I feel empty.? Going freelance, that’s a big step, thanks for caring about my career.? But let’s get one thing straight, I know you don’t see me as a child-care provider, but I like being with Katie, I want to help out where I can.? I know I’m not her mom, but the way I see it, we’ll be some kind of family unit, so we act like one,” Ellen told him.

“Ok, then, but at least let me give you a tip-off.? You know the case I’m working on?”

“The death at the immigrant workers camp?”

“Yeah.? I met this old native Indian-American guy, he’s got some interesting tales to tell, you and he could help one another.? I could introduce you if you like,” Steve offered.

“Mmm, let me get this straight.? In exchange for earth shattering sex and agreeing to marry you, you’ll give me tip-offs?” Ellen teased.

“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Steve laughed.

***

The next morning they told Katie they were going to marry and Ellen would move in the beach house, there wouldn’t be lots of changes for Katie.? She had a few questions, one of which was whether she would have to call Ellen mommy.? Ellen explained she’d never replace Lena, but she loved her and hoped she’d help her with the wedding preparations.

“If you have a baby will you love it instead of me?” was the next question.

“Oh Katie,” Steve said, understanding her fears, “if we had a baby, it wouldn’t change our love for you.? It doesn’t work like that.? You know Auntie Carol?? Well, Grandpa loves her as much as he loves me.”

***

A few days later Steve was at work when one of the sergeants dropped a bouquet of pink roses on his desk.? He smiled, ignoring the whistles and cat-calls of his co-workers and read the accompanying card.

‘I suspect you know pink roses mean thanks.? If you know any good removal people, I could do with some help, I’ve given notice to quit this place, I’m moving to a better place.? I’ll probably quit the Scoop soon, but one step at a time.? It’s all thanks to you, love Ellen.’

***

Mark didn’t see any more than he normally did of Steve and Ellen once she’d moved in, but he enjoyed knowing they were happy.? Katie acted up once or twice, only because she wasn’t the center of attention, but as she was used to Ellen being there anyway and Ellen was patient with her she soon tired of acting up.? Steve knew Katie had totally accepted Ellen when she needed a dance outfit for school and asked Ellen to go with her to buy it, she didn’t want Steve there.? For once Steve was happy not to be the center of Katie’s life.? He sat outside with Mark, at ease telling his dad how happy he was.

“You know, it must be a little tricky for Katie and Ellen at times.? Katie’s had your exclusive attention until now, and Ellen has to accept your history,” Mark commented.

“I know dad.? And we’ll get married soon, I promise you.”

“I’m just glad to see you happy Steve, I know you work hard as a cop and a dad, but it’s great to see you enjoying life.? Ellen’s good for you, she seems fine about living here.”

“That’s because she’s sleeping with me,” Steve grinned.

As Ellen and Steve lay in bed that night, he broached the subject of the wedding date.? “Ellen, if you don’t know by now how much I love you, you’ll never know, and I know it hasn’t always been easy for you, dealing with my past.? I loved Lena, I’ll never forget her, but I love you now.? If it wasn’t for my dad, I probably wouldn’t be here today.? It would have been his and my mom’s wedding anniversary in six weeks time, how do you like the idea of us getting married on their anniversary?”

“Steve, that’s so thoughtful.? It’ll be a rush but it gives us time to get things sorted,” Ellen responded positively.

“I take it that’s a yes then?” Steve enquired.

“You’re correct Lieutenant.? Now remind me what I’ve been missing out on all those years I never knew you.”

***

Steve and Ellen married in a simple ceremony, with close friends and family in attendance.? Her parents were there, and Mark was really glad when Carol was able to make it too.? Steve had been willing to have whatever kind of ceremony Ellen wanted, but she was happy with a small intimate beach side ceremony.? Ellen was beautiful in her white strapless dress with small embroidered red roses round the waist, and Katie wore a matching flower-girl’s dress.? It had been a long time coming, Mark reminisced.? But now Steve was truly happy again.? There was light after the dark.